I was horrified when Robin Williams
Eleven years ago I was in a bad place mentally. A really bad place that found me in my backyard with a butcher knife pressed against my wrist wishing I had the courage to draw it across and drain the life from my worthless body. I had made some bad decisions and felt trapped like the only way out was death. Fortunately, I have an incredible husband who chooses every day to love me, in spite of my many flaws. Through his anger, he arrived like my knight in shining armor and held me in his arms. Forgiveness and healing came slowly. Medications, therapy and lots of work to cancel out the demons that had seeped into my mind. The brain isn't like the other organs in your body, there is so much the doctors just don't understand. They can identify the areas of our brain responsible for body functions but the *thing* the *spark* that makes us human is still a mystery that belongs to God.
This morning, a dear friend who has overcome unimaginable things in her life shared this:
I"m going to do better about being an actor. Two things happened in the last two days that almost sent me into a tailspin. Fist, I blog here at Always Crazy Blessed and another at Damn Dementia. Someone laughed at me for blogging then really laughed at the title of my other blog. I very calmly responded with why it's called Damn Dementia while inside the self doubt started...the negative thoughts about what a fool I am to even attempt to share my thoughts and feelings here and really, really foolish on my private blog. The next morning at breakfast I was met with a "how are your parents?" Really? My Dad suffers from vascular dementia & Alzheimer's and my Mom suffers from Alzheimer's...slowly, one memory at a time they are leaving. With each turn of the calendar pages I see changes and lose pieces of them that I'll never see again. The puzzle that is their life will never again be complete. They slip away and we wait...we wait for the inevitable during which we suffer their loss, they become different people and we are strangers to the people who were the heroes of our youth...our teachers, our mentors, our parents who loved us unconditionally and now yell at us, belittle us and treat us like trash. The people speaking to me couldn't have know because I always am a talented actor, I put on my happy face and pretend that everything is okay.
I went to my 70's style room and slept...around 4 hours yesterday and another 1 1/2 today. I blogged on my DD site, went into Little Rock and did some walking around stores then came back feeling incredibly refreshed and capable of living and maybe just maybe I might be up to some socializing and conversation tomorrow!
For many reasons, I will not post this blog publicly. After they are gone, perhaps I will be able to make it public and share...for now, if you've read this message please know YOU are important to me. I value my relationship with you and I'm honored to count you as a strong member of my