I Think I'm Prepared to be Challenged

Many of you know that I attended Lay Servant training with the United Methodist Church at Mount Sequoyah in Fayetteville.  I just got home and I'm working to process everything from this time, I attended the Basic Course on Thursday/Friday and Go Preach on Friday/Saturday. I wrote the following Thursday evening after a day spent learning how to be a servant in my local church. 

“After he had washed their feet, had put on his robe, and had returned to the table, he said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you?  You call me Teacher and Lord—and you are right, for that is what I am.  So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet.  For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you.  Very truly, I tell you, servants are not greater than their master, nor are messengers greater than the one who sent them.

I give you a new commandment, that you love one another.  Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

~from John 13:12-16 & 34-35

Yesterday, when Randy asked if anyone in our class wanted to try preaching my first inclination was to run out the door but in a later discussion he later said, “prepare to be challenged.”  My heart was tugged…be challenged.  But God, I have the opportunity to spend an entire evening all alone-no kids, no husband, no parents, no responsibilities just the opportunity to spend some time alone….okay, I got the message I’ve got the time to spend with God.  I won’t call this a sermon but rather a “homily" which is a scripturally-based reflection providing food for thought.  Somehow I don’t feel quite qualified to use the “S” word.

Pure love.  Jesus did not just humble himself that night with his disciples, it’s true in this story, he was laying the foundation for servant leadership but in this particular example he didn’t just tell them to serve OTHERS he showed them how to serve ONE ANOTHER.  This week each of us has been called to explore a deeper level of servant leadership.  We are beginning a journey toward deepening our relationship with God in order that we may learn to serve others but in order to serve others, we must first care for one another. 

In this particular passage of John, Jesus isn’t commanding us to love others or even to serve others…He is showing us as his followers that we should love and serve one another.  Our love for one another gives a strong witness to people outside our church family-the people in our community we serve.  So often our congregations focus on outreach, how to reach the least, the last, the lost…you know the whole “what can we do so our church serves more people in the community than the Baptist church down the street” that we forget about the “in-reach.”  We wind up not being so loving to one another.  We spoke briefly about the politics of the local church, how it can be downright ugly.   We lash out at the one another, blame others, cut them down, don’t really listen to their ideas or concerns.  We don’t wash one anothers feet.

Let’s take it to a little more personal level, Jesus didn’t go out on the street corner and wash the feet of strangers, he wasn’t at the local Elks Lodge or even the grumpy neighbors home…he was in the most intimate of settings with his closest friends.  He got down on his knees and washed their feet he showed them how to love and serve one another.  One of the things I have noticed in life is that my family often gets the cranky, real me.  The one who is tired, frustrated and wishing that Calgon could really take me away but when I’m out and about in the community I have on the smile and “everything is fine.”  Somehow I forget to wash the feet of those I love the most.  If I’m not serving and loving my immediate family-those closest to me how in the world can I really love my church family? 

I have to be honest when I read our book for this class I had absolutely no notes on the Caring session.  Sometimes I feel I’m too tapped out to care for myself let alone others.  I think the reason this scripture resonated with me is the deeply personal challenge to treat one another the way Christ treated his disciples-with humble love and service.  I think when I get home and my family gathers on Sunday I might just get out a basin and wash their feet because as Mother Teresa said, “Let us make our homes real places of love so that we can overcome any hatred. Love begins at home---everything depends on how we love one another at home.”

Rejected

Rethink church has done it again!  I'm really enjoying their Instagram word of the day photo challenge!  This is the second blog post that has been directly inspired by them.  This morning I looked at the word for today-rejected and my mind began to fill with all the ways rejected applied in my life.


Rejected-I've been rejected by the boy I had a crush on in junior high but you know it was okay because God had the perfect Handsome guy already picked out for me.  I just had to be rejected a few times before I would meet him.  Those rejections taught me to really appreciate and value the "perfect" mate!  One might even say I'm crazy blessed to have him!

Rejected-I've been rejected by friends.  Ones I thought would stand by my side through thick and thin who simply turned away when things got tough.  We all have been stabbed in the back with the malicious words of someone we thought we could trust.  Those rejections have taught me to guard my tongue and to use care with the people with whom I choose to associate.  Momma used to say "if you waller with the hogs you're going to get dirty."  Of course I thought she was crazy until I knew rejection and saw those who had rejected me had a long line behind them of people left feeling hurt and betrayed.  I choose my friends carefully, I may not have lots of friends but the ones I do have in my "tribe" are people who would go to the end for me and I for them.  I sure am crazy blessed to have a few quarters rather than hundreds of pennies in my life!

Rejected-I've been rejected by family.  Ones who don't return phone calls, have only seen my kids a handful of times, refuse to allow us to come visit them when we're in town, ones who still think I'm that 10 year old little girl who doesn't know anything.  Their rejection has taught me to value my parents, my husband and our kids.  It has helped me to work with our kids encouraging them to apologize for the hurts and forgive one another, helping them learn that they can be friends and supporters of one another as they grow older even if they have different lives.  I love that College Girl will call and say, "hey can I come spend the night so I can hang out with my sisters?"  She is working hard to maintain a good, positive relationship.  There I am being crazy blessed again.

Rejected-I love to shop the clearance plants at the garden center, picking up the ones that have been rejected because of a broken blossom or a few smashed leaves.  Bringing them home and nursing them back to vibrancy is a rewarding challenge.  Their rejection has taught me patience and nurturing which flow through to other aspects of my crazy blessed life.


Rejected-all of our pets have been adopted from shelters they were rejected by owners who no longer wanted them.  We've brought them into our homes and our hearts, making them part of our every day lives.  These rejected fur babies have shown me that even the outcasts have love to give and they crazy bless us every day with their love and affection.



Then it was as if I was watching a movie play out before my eyes.  A movie of a story I've read countless times in my life from the book of Matthew chapter 27 the story of Pilate letting the crowd choose between Barabbas and Jesus.  I could see the angry crowd, smell the dust and filth in the air, I could taste the sweat pouring off my face, I could feel the ropes that bound and my heart pounding in my chest as if I was Jesus.  Pilate pointed to Barabbas and the crowd shouted to let him go free and then he pointed a me and the crowd erupted with angry cries of  "Crucify, crucify, crucify...." and my heart broke at that moment I realized I had no idea what rejection was.

I couldn't possibly understand being the most innocent person to ever walk the earth and be rejected by an angry crowd.  He was blameless, innocent as a newborn.  So rejection here on earth by a few people is nothing I can not handle.  Rejection was endured by the Son of God, it can be endured by me too!  I'm privileged that He carried away my guilt, my shame and left me the ability to enjoy my crazy blessed life a little bit stronger after my rejections.

Accumulate Positive Experiences

Accumulate positive experiences...a dear friend shared this piece of advice with me yesterday.  I immediately had to write it down.  Not just random positive experiences but intentional ones.  Seeking out every day some positive experience.  I'm one of those people who sees the glass as either half full or refillable but somedays my glass is utterly empty and I desperately need it to be refilled.  The concept of intentionally accumulating positive experiences is very attractive to me.  So I jotted down a few things that are "positive experiences" for me:

• walks
• gardening
• 5-finger intentional prayer
• a cuppa coffee in the morning sunshine
• reading without interruption
• blogging
• cooking

That was a pretty quick and easy list to come up with and I'm sure I could think of more if I put my mind to it.  I think I really like this idea so I decided to do a quick Google search and I'm thrilled with this new (to me) approach at life!  I found positive admonitions like, do pleasant things that are possible NOW!  My favorite by far was: be mindful of positive experiences.

Perhaps this resonates with me because it seems lately in too many areas of my life I feel overwhelmed.  At the end of the day I feel as if I've been put through an emotional wringer; I seem to forget to be mindful of my positive experiences because they've been unintentional and I haven't even noticed them.  I am at a place in my life right now that I need to be mindful of the positive, maybe to even go so far as to schedule that positive!

Handsome and I have been accumulating positive experiences in our marriage without giving it that name, we've been "dating the alphabet" again.  Our goal is to date our way through the alphabet, we've made it through the letter "C" so far this year.  We're looking for our "D" date so if you have any ideas, bring them on!  It is incredible what an afternoon movie can do for your positive mental attitude!  I need more of those moments not just as a couple but for myself every day.

This Lent rather than giving up things, I took on some positive habits, one of those is journaling every day.  But I think I've been doing it wrong, I've been using it as a stress relief and often it has the negatives of the day and I forget to include the positive.  I'm going to re-do my nightly journal and include at least one positive each day, in caps at the top of the page.  The idea is I want the positive to be the most visible part when I thumb back through.  I must remember my own motto "always crazy blessed!"

Take some time today to not only find the positive but to actually plan for and accumulate some positive experiences!  So when you see me looking a little more relaxed and a little less exasperated, you'll know I've been accumulating those positive experiences in my life because after all, "today is a good day for a good day!"  Thanks Anna & Mellissa for helping me remember just how crazy blessed I am every day!

My friend Mellissa's positive admonition to me in the midst of my 15 doctor note visits from October!

Forgiveness

On Instagram, I follow  ReThink Church, one of their catchphrases is "We think it's important to live our faith both inside and outside the church walls, serving our neighbors and those around the world."  On Fat Tuesday, they posted a photo-a-day Lent challenge; each day has a word associated with it and you're supposed to post a picture and explain what it means to you.  I've been faithful and haven't missed a day.  Each morning I look at the word of the day, ponder and pray about it, then watch through the day for the right picture to go along with the word.  Today I was confronted with the word "endure" and I had no idea how I would capture it.  I looked up the word endure with my handy-dandy cell phone and this is what Google shared with me:

I felt that really didn't give me much to work with.  So I got up and got my Saturday going which meant full speed ahead much like any other day   (Have you ever heard the saying, "You never know what someone is going through.  Be kind.  Always."?) .  Handsome was heading out for a day with the guys working on a truck or something-he needed a cooler, ice brick, fruit, etc. for a lunch, Jessica had to be taken to shooting sports, I had to go to the pharmacy-drop and fill a prescription since I had a family member in the emergency room until almost midnight last night, etc.  It's funny when I dropped Jessica a sweet friend stuck her head in my window to say "hi" and instead asked me what was wrong, just one look was all it took for her to know I'd already had a rough day.  I smiled and explained a bit...she wished me well like a good friend who understands does.  Jessica and her stuff hopped out of the car.  I then headed off on my way, dropped the prescription and was picking up doughnuts for a Saturday morning treat for my folks when Jessica called because she'd forgotten her glasses so home I went to get the glasses to take back out to the Quail barn to turn back around and head to the store to get the medicine.  I finally got home looking forward to a strong cup of coffee and while it was brewing I checked my email.  The subject looked positive and full of hope but when I clicked it was dark and hateful.  I ugly cried.  I really, really ugly cried.  I curled up on my bed and cried some more.  Then I pulled myself together and headed to pick up Jessica.  That sweet girl can brighten any day!

Like a good mom I took her to get a movie from the Redbox and lunch at Taco Bell.  We got home and I headed out for some sunshine and dirt therapy.  It was there that peace came, not just because I had sobbed it all out but a real peace.  An understanding and a realization of a blog that needed to be written.  As I worked in my little square foot garden to pull out some pesky weeds using my new, shiny garden tool I came across a pecan buried in the dirt.  To pseudo-quote my favorite move, "there's a pecan in the garden that ain't got no business being there," was what actually went through my mind, I think I could actually hear Morgan Freeman uttering the words.  Maybe it was his role playing God that got me to thinking about that pecan in comparison with the "A Little Hope" pecan tree growing a stones throw away.  What would that pecan have to "endure" to become a mighty 100' tree that the one in my yard aspires to become?

Again, I turned to handy Google for the answer.  I encountered some really technical stuff about "dry storage" and "the pecan must be buried in loose soil and moistened enough for the enzymes to be stimulated for 1-2 weeks..."  Have you ever had a pecan tree?  My grandparents had pecan trees, my parents had pecan trees and we've got one just a few years old that is heading toward maturity.  One of the things I learned is not every year is a nut producing year.  The conditions have to be just right-cold, warmth, rain, birds, bagworms, etc. so when we get those nuts if we want the seeds to become trees "man" has to do certain things or it just won't work.  But God, He can work miracles with a few of His magnificent creatures-squirrels and birds, and the weather-dryness, moisture, cold and heat through HIM have the ability to come together to create a mighty tree.

I'm not sure where the pecan in my garden came from, a bird could have carried it from some tree across town to the family of squirrels that lives across the street to find and bury in the soft soil of my garden hoping to come back to it for a mid-winter snack. That single pecan in my garden interrupted my time talking to God as He said, "listen."

So I listened and I heard birds chirping, the wind through the pine trees, my neighbor replacing his front windows, another neighbor running his air compressor, the children across the street playing annd laughing. I began to hear the message that we all live and work together whether it's a marriage, a family, a book club, a job, a church, a ladies organization-in any of these situations we are in a "facultative symbiatic relationship," meaning we are together BY CHOICE.  These relationships should also be "mutualistic" meaning the relationship is BENEFICIAL TO ALL parties/members.  Let that sink in for just a minute, okay?  In these situations I've mentioned we are together by choice in a relationship that should be beneficial to all.  But is it?  These relationships are not give-give or take-take, they are give-take and we have to work together with honesty and respect.  We must respect one another enough to be honest when we are hurt or disagree and work to resolve not just hold it inside and allow it to destroy us.  It's so easy to get caught so up in our own agenda/feelings/hurt that we forget that we are in a relationship BY CHOICE and that it should be BENEFICIAL TO ALL.  I had prayed, I had listened and now it's time for some discernment. 

 Do I respond with the same "tongue" I was dealt?  Do I try to defend myself?  Do I act like nothing has happened? So I grabbed my bible and sought advice.  Here is what I was met with Matthew 7:1-5  "Don't judge, so that you won't be judged. You'll receive the same judgement you give.  Whatever you deal out will be dealt out to you..." which goes so well with Jesus telling Peter later in Matthew that the number of times we forgive is not to be counted. Unlimited forgiveness.  I choose forgiveness, total and complete forgiveness.  

Forgiveness is one of God's magnificent creations that allows us to endure any circumstance.  I think I found my picture for today.

#crazyblessed #rethinkchurch #rethinkphoto

Don't tell me I look good....

I'm not afraid to die.

I know those I love will miss me but really they'll be okay. They'll have my memories...and an awesome wisteria!  We talk openly about death and dying in our home.   Almost three years ago we lost James-Teds dad-to pancreatic cancer.   We were so blessed that he was able to take his final breath in the comfort of his home surrounded by family.   While we miss his smile and ornery chuckle,  he still is with us every day from the crazy tape measure to the sparkle in the eyes of his grandkids.  We often tell stories and share his memories.

As for me, my family has known for years my chosen funeral song is "Spirit in the Sky" and that I want a celebration of my life.  They know the generalities of my funeral like I don't want to be cremated, I don't want a casket or a concrete vault or even to be embalmed!  I want a soft blanket or "death shroud" and to be placed gently and lovingly into a hole somewhere in the earth; they can plant a nice wisteria on top for me to fertilize (I'd be okay with a tree).  Check out this video!

Green Burials: Life After death
Posted by The Huffington Post on Thursday, February 25, 2016

You've stuck with me this far, if you'll hang around a little bit longer I'll share with you what is really on my heart.  About a year ago I read a blog about "death midwives" and I felt a strong call.   I really believe this is a path on which I am meant to journey.  Sounds crazy,  right?   This is what I feel is a great description taken from BeyondHospice

"The work of death midwives does not duplicate the work of professionals such as nurses or funeral directors.   We work alongside them and our skills are not medically oriented,  they are more heart-oriented.   This work can be done in any setting...when a loved ones death is dignified,  peaceful and meaningful it can be a sacred experience for those left behind."

Death, a sacred experience-dignified, peaceful and meaningful.  How beautiful.  I was blessed to be with my Grandma Cassel when she drew her last breath.  I believe she was at peace and ready to go, she looked so calm as she inhaled deeply and left this earthly place behind.  Many families would like to have this type of experience as would their loved one but they need help expressing their desire.  Death midwives assist the family as they prepare for those final moments and the days that follow as they celebrate the life of the one they have lost.

I'm feeling a deep call but I'm planning to take the slow path.  I have a need to get a better understanding of my own religion and faith before I begin to help others.  I'm currently taking an online course through Harvard via edX along with 20,000 others from around the world on Religious Diversity in order that I might:

• learn tools to better understand how religions function in human affairs.
• interact constructively with peers from diverse religious, worldviews, regions of the world, experiences and perspectives.

I also recently signed up to take the Basic Lay Servant training with the United Methodist Church.  Yesterday I learned the one I had planned to participate in was cancelled.  At first I was really upset then I checked out the link that was sent and learned that the dates in April work for me to take both the Basic & Advanced in the same weekend!  WOW! There was a window that shut but a door swung open wide so I could walk right in.  So in April I'm going to take the first (in person) step toward becoming....my books will arrive next week so I can get started on my homework that is due when I attend class!

I'm so crazy blessed to have so many opportunities to learn and grow!  I hope you'll keep me in your prayers, thoughts, blessings, chants, etc. as I begin my journey. (Oh, by the way when I die IF my family does some type of funeral and you see my dead body please do not utter the phrase, "she looks so good!"  I won't look good, I'll look dead.  Just dead. Because I won't be there any more the spark that gives my body life will have moved on to a better place and if you utter those words I'll be haunting you!!!)

Education & Enlightenment in the new Millinium

"How does home schooling educate & enlighten students today vs. our public school system in the 1980's when we were students?"

This question posted on my Facebook status surprised me this morning and I knew it would take more than a normal "comment" to really answer.  First let me begin with a little history, I have been a homeschool Mom for 16 years.  When we started our sweet College Girl (who is entering her senior year in college in just a few days) was 5 and just the right age to begin kindergarten.  She wasn't your average 5 year old because she started reading when she was 3 1/2 (at 5 she was reading Harry Potter) and was doing math on a 3-4th grade level.  She wasn't a prodigy, she had just been in a Montessori school for 2 years.  While we no longer wanted her to attend Montessori we were faced with the dilemma of placing an eager learning child into a classroom learning ABC's , colors and shapes.  She needed more than kindergarten could offer so we decided to try that "homeschool" thing.  We quickly fell in love with the ability to find the curriculum that fit her learning styles, the things that could be "education" and the flexibility for field trips, family visits, etc.

As Melissa and Jessica arrived we became even more firmly planted in the homeschool lifestyle.  It works so well for our family and our children seem to thrive.  I've been asked so many times about socialization, making friends, fitting in, "are you still doing that homeschool thing" because I can't stand being around my kids all the time, do you wear your PJ's every day, etc. so on and so forth.  But I've never been asked how it educates and enlightens today vs. public school in the 80's.  perhaps because I strive to have my children fit in and live with the kids in this millennium.  We do not homeschool to protect our children from "society" or the evils of the public school system.  My kids watch the news with me and we actively discuss and explore current event topics.  They are familiar with the LBGT community, are aware of the abortion debate, they know what GMO's are and love the freshness of raising veggies, we celebrate Christmas AND Halloween.   My kids are well spoken, are confident young people who engage in conversations with people of all ages.  At a recent shooting competition, my 10 year old Jessica walked up to one of the discipline organizing volunteers, stuck out her hand for a handshake, introduced herself and thanked him for his time-they then engaged in a conversation about air pistol with him giving her some pointers.  My college daughter, Anna began participating in classes and activities at our local community college when she was 14.  By 16 she was singing karaoke with them learning first hand the difference between the college kids who didn't drink, had a drink or two and those who drank to stupidity-she learned to drink water and ask for a new drink anytime her drink was left unattended.  She learned that it's not a big deal to call mom or dad for a ride home when your friends have been drinking.  She went on to attend a women's college (her choice not mine) in Missouri where she flawlessly transitioned to college life graduating with her associates degree then transferring to the University of Arkansas where she moved into her own place, paying her own rent while working 2 jobs all the while maintaining a 3.85 gpa.  Melissa loves volleyball and this year asked to "Tim Tebow" into our local junior high where she made the team.  She recently had her first school bus ride and is learning just how 2-faced some girls can be and how to stay neutral-out of the mess!  Her coaches usually commend her for her ability to listen and follow directions which seems is something that seems to be becoming a scarcity.

I would say my kids are better educated because they are so well rounded and are used to spending time playing, communicating, learning and living with a wide variety of ages-not just in a classroom with 20-30 kids who are within a year of their age.  They have projects through 4H, church, shooting club, and volleyball where they are responsible for communicating with peers and adults.  As far as enlightening, I don't think the responsibility for that lies solely on the public school system.   There are plenty of kids we went to school with (me included) who were not "enlightened" about so many things!  I was shocked in college when I learned that there were parties with drinking and carousing in high school-I knew nothing of them.  I was very sheltered and many worldly subjects escaped my radar until I was in college.  So I suppose I would say my kids are more enlightened than I was at their age.

Is our home a typical homeschool?  No.  Through the year finding groups and connecting with people who are not homeschooling for religious reasons has been a struggle.  My God is an awesome God but it's not my ringtone-I strive to live and teach my children to live so that people can see the love (kind of person you are) by the way you act, speak and live. Many homeschoolers are the long hair, skirt wearing, anti-LBGT, anti-Halloween, anti-anyone who doesn't think and believe their cookie cutter brand of Christianity.   We are definitely NOT cookie cutter Christians displayed prominently in media-we are the ones who truly have open doors, open hearts, open minds.  (Disclaimer...We are crazy blessed to be part of a relatively new group here that are largely secular-we all have our religions and our beliefs but everyone plays nicely!  While we don't make it to as many events as we'd like because our schedule is so crazy we love the ones we do make!)

You've got a friend in me....

I'm pretty sure we all have friends.

I'm pretty sure we all have friendships that we have neglected.  Now I don't mean gross negligence like being rude, saying mean things or other less than pleasant actions; I'm talking about just getting so busy with life that we fail to call or contact them for a few weeks and before you know it years have gone by.  Kids have graduated from schools, hair has changed color and maybe you've even gained a few pounds.  You didn't mean to let all that time slide by but somehow life got in the way.

I know first hand how easy it is to let those friendships slide.  It seems my time belongs to everyone else in my life besides me!  Sure I go to volleyball things, run kids to the dance studio, attend 4H meetings and even ladies groups at church; at all those places I have friends.  I know their names and with many of them know their "stories."  Some of them I'd call up to have coffee or lunch but most are just the "smile and wave" kind of friends.  A few months ago I came to the realization that many of my friends who no longer fit into one of the above categories I hadn't seen in ages...some for years.  Sure we do the "like" thing on Facebook and occasionally have a cyber-conversation but we haven't seen one another s actual faces in quite sometime.  I knew that I had to change things so I made a conscious decision to reach out.  No, not just reach out but reach out and follow through.  It's easy to send a text, a Facebook message or post on their wall about missing them but that doesn't really get you anywhere.

There is something refreshing about reconnecting, sitting across the table face-to-face with genuine interest and concern about another human being-one you have known for years.  It's funny how easy the conversations twist and turn then before you know it hours have gone by.  So today, I'm adding a new simple prayer to my list and it is "make me a better friend."  My goal is to at least once a month connect with a friend who is outside my weekly routine-a cup of coffee, the Indian place for lunch or perhaps a simple walk on the Crystal Bridges trails.  So if I don't hit you up for some friend time soon, please give me a shout because I'm missing you, too!