In August 2012, what happened that caused a Bentonville mom to leak profusely from her eyes?
- Dropped phone calls
- Text messages
- Letters in the mail
When will it stop? I mean seriously, I am a logical woman who has been preparing for years for this very time in my life so why is it so difficult for me? I've know from the moment that little pink plus sign showed up on my pregnancy test in February of 1994 that someday that sweet baby would leave...that that baby would head off to college just like every child should. Once Anna began her freshman year in high school, I began to talk about her eventual move to college, encouraging her and building her up. Strengthing her wings so she would be ready to soar. I got my mind convinced and it is find but my heart well that's another matter.
In the weeks leading up to the big day, I had lots of cases of the "leaks." Those unexpected episodes of tears streaming out of my eyes seemingly without cause or reason. I explained to her that it was normal and uncontrollable that I didn't want her to be sad I just want her to go to college and be the best she can be, the tears aren't that I want her to stay but rather an outward reflection of how I will miss seeing her sweet face every day.
Flash forward to the actual day and I did pretty good! I didn't cry as I walked out of her dorm room and left her in a new world. I shed a few tears on the way home but over all it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. When we got home we had so many things to fill our time for a few weeks that I didn't have time to dwell on the fact that she was gone. I started school with the littles and life seemed to be just fine until last weekend.
College girls will do what college girls have always done-get in their vehicles, drive to the nearest mall and SHOP! I understood that and was fine with her going to Joplin with her friends until I was in Oklahoma at the Lake talking to her on the phone. She was rattling on about how much fun she was having and that they were almost there. As I drove on, service got sketchy and she began to fade as we both simotaneously said "I'm losing you, I love you, goodbye..." oh my that seemed so final. I began to sob uncontrollably as the emotions swept over me. I was no longer in control. I no longer could protect her from harm. I was no longer the safe place for my A #1 Angel girl. I had reached the point where I realized that I had done all I could and now, now she is in God's hands. I have to trust and believe that I have raised her right and that she will make good decisions and stay safe. Wow, that's a load to grasp driving down some hillbilly road in eastern Oklahoma.
The other day, she dropped me a note with a trinket she had picked up on her trip to the Mall. It was engraved with "a daughter is a forever friend." Of course I fled the scene and escaped to my private retreat (AKA my bathroom) to sob and say a word of thanks for a daughter like her.
Then a few minutes ago, my phone chimes-it's a text inquiring about video to a song. Not just any song mind you but the song "Imagine" by John Lennon. Last year, our 4-H club signed to the Glee version for Talent ORama. Several weeks later, her and Jessica signed it for Living Waters. She was needing to brush up on it as she and a friend are wanting to perform it tonight at college. So being the rescuer, I rushed to my trusty desktop to find the video. I quickly located the file, clicked on it and my screen was filled with the sight and sound of her sweet voice and again, I cried. I'm oh so glad to be the crazy blessed mama of three amazing young ladies! Just think I'm going to have to do this two more times! YIKES
The video isn't professional but here it is, enjoy!
I cried watching the video because it seems like just yesterday we were her age, hanging out in our apartment, and enjoying college life. I have so many fun memories of us and of course, Dog.....I'm still crying....thanks for posting. Apparently I needed a good cry:)ReplyDelete
It seems I'm finding myself in need of those cries more often! Remembering our college days is part of my anxiety for her! :)ReplyDelete