I strive to use my Facebook as a tool, allowing it to reflect my beliefs, my pride in my children, my love for my husband and my passion for gardening (or perhaps that should honestly read my passion for my husband and love for gardening)!! Regardless of which face my status is displaying it is always real. I never lie about how I feel, what I am doing or about my kids to make them seem more than they are. Some days the Littles drive me batty and I'm ready to walk out of the house with my hands thrown in the air when Handsome arrives home!
A few years ago, I started this Blog. It was a way for me to share more in depth things that are on my mind. It's almost like an occasional ache inside of me and the only way to soothe is by sharing my words here. Again, my Blog is real-the things I share are my true feelings and emotions.
Yesterday, on Facebook I shared and asked for your support. The "likes," the comments, the personal messages, texts, and phone calls have overwhelmed me beyond belief. So today, I wanted to take a moment to say thank you--years ago, Bette Middler sang "The Wind Beneath My Wings" and today, I get it on a whole new level! I'd like to share a little more about me today...
In 2006, about a year and a half after the birth of Jessica I was tired of being FAT and wanted more than anything to lose weight. I heard the radio ads and saw the newspaper ads for a place called Metabolic Research Center and went in for a FREE consultation. They had me hook-line-and sucker! For over a year, I prescribed to their strict food regimen and drinking their special protein koolaid 5 times a day-their goal was for their clients to lose a minimum of 3 pounds each week. When you didn't, there was guilt and shame...when you did, there were silly gifts like a bell for every pound lost, a string for your inches, a flower taped to the wall, etc. I worked their system-hard; I lost just over 100 pounds. I was happy where I was but not down to their required weight for my height. I was ready to start exercising (strictly forbidden by them because we all know muscle is heavier and they didn't want us to "gain") and go on maintenance. They said no so I quit. I went rogue and began going to the gym, even though I was exercising, I began putting all the wrong foods in my mouth and over the next 18 months gained every pound back-quit the gym, quit on myself. I was miserable. I was a failure.
In 2007, some personal events happened in my life and I needed help. I was totally stressed and felt like I couldn't cope. I began to see a therapist for a few months...he listened, told me stories and empowered me to be a stronger more confident person regardless of my size, the size of my house, the make & model of my car, etc. I cannot begin to stress to you that I am a FIRM believer that our brain is another organ and sometimes, it is our worst enemy. Every one of us could benefit from an impartial listener who doesn't run and tell our thoughts/fears/worries and has tools to help us learn to deal with things. I am very vocal to those who know me well about the importance of good mental health and am open/honest with my children and husband. As a matter of fact I encouraged Anna to make use of the College counselors office. Dealing with her Dad being sick this spring, the diagnosis, sickness and loss of her Papaw James were a bit easier because she had developed a relationship with her counselor. As such, she applied for and will be a peer listener at Cottey this fall-I am so proud that she has learned the value of caring for her mind as well as her body.
So, back to my body-I had become content. I didn't care what my scale said-I'd go months without weighing. I felt good, my bloodwork was good and my overall health was fine. Whether it was stress or whatever I was miserable in December and reached out to the medical community in hopes of receiving some relief from what I thought must be chronic fatigue syndrome. When the medical community failed to help or even acknowledge my symptoms, I thought I was going crazy and turned to my friends who suggested I look at my diet. I did.