Tuesday, October 25, 2016
I find I listen better during the Sunday morning sermons when my hands are busy. I know how to knit but I just can't be the knitter in the church row....so I doodle on my bulletin as I'm taking notes. Sometimes I even bring my colored pencils, experimenting with colors, shapes and fonts. Then I like to pick and choose from my notes attempting to form a cohesive couple of sentences to share with my family and friends via Facebook. I've always thought my intentions were "pure." You know "genuine from the heart sharing because I enjoyed the sermon and learned so much." I never really paid attention to the likes or the comments, sure they were fun to see but I really didn't get excited or care too much-I was just happy that someone else was able to get something from the message I had been so crazy blessed to hear. Then this week came along, I really enjoyed the sermon. I doodled excessively in my bulletin and then excitedly put together my thoughts so that I could share with Facebook world. That evening when I clicked the dreaded Facebook app and saw the notification that the District Superintendent had liked my status I felt like a kid, immediately screenshotted it and sent to our Pastor. Wow, I'm 46 years old and it brought out the goofy teenager inside. He responded with a simple "Thanks" no punctuation, no smiley face...and my stomach sank. Sure I know, I read WA-A-A-AY too much into that one text; that's the trouble with being a middle aged, hormonal, recovering from the crud woman. I thought about it a couple of times yesterday and found myself worrying that he hadn't liked my summary status...did he hate it? Did I get the message completely wrong? Was he irritated that the DS read my summary instead of "really" getting his sermon? Was he thinking, she's so immature? Talk about stress and negative voices in your head, they were on overtime!
This morning at precisely 3:55 a.m. I woke with a start.
Was I posting these sermon summaries for the right reasons?
Was I being bossy or pushy, trying to get others to see things from my perspective?
Perhaps on some level I've been posting for the likes and comments?
Then I remembered God knows. God knows my heart, He knows my true intent and I think He's probably even okay with that brief teenage distraction of a like from the district superintendent. I allowed myself to stop the guilt session and mindfully breathed for a little bit, slowly in and out; almost meditating when I remembered the times friends in far away states or of different religions have commented about singing the same song at their church or hearing a message that was similar that morning and I feel connected. It makes my world seem a little closer, a little more intimate to share the Jesus I know and love with my Facebook family. It was then when I was able to see that sometimes forming the "perfect" status really isn't about the likes, it's about being deeply crazy blessed and bold enough to share it with the world! #crazyblessed that is!!
PS In case you're wondering I did share this with my Pastor, he assured me that I was indeed reading way too much into that text. So remember not to read too much into a text, especially when you're a middle aged, hormonal, recovering from the crud woman!